Something I just came up with. It's very short, but aren't all poems some one just came up with? Any way, I hope you enjoy it.
The wind sweeps across the forest tree-tops,
blowing, ever blowing.
If only, that wind,
would sweep me away with the leaves
as one with the wind.
The leaves laugh
as they go to a new place.
Can the wind do that for me?
Can I blow somewhere else,
somewhere where I can get away?
The wind calls me.
I yearn to go,
but something stops me.
The forest? The animals?
I know, I can never leave this place.
Not when all I love,
is right here.
The wind carries on,
leaving me.
I am glad of that.
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Thanks. This is my first attempt at poetry.
Hello.
This poem was great. It was really fresh and the way you use words conjur such a vivid image. The poem also flowed well. Awesome job.
this is really lovely and touching.. it seems like you picked out the words carefully(even if you didn't) but i think you should try to come up with a stronger ending line cuz "I am glad of that." makes it seem like it's going to conftinue, and then it just ends. so it's a little akward, however it is so beautiful, and i love the rich words and frazes you use, like: "
The wind calls me.
I yearn to go,
but something stops me."
and: "The leaves laugh"
Your Poem Is a truly good one, with some amazing words and meanings to it, I am sorry for writing a review that was not mine, I am lazy and arrogant...You poem was an amazing piece that deserved proper reviewing and I wish you and encourage you to write more I am also sorry that this review is not long and cannot be classed as a review, I promise that I will come back another day and review it properly, but now I am in a slight rush to be somewhere so once again sorry and...
Good Luck!
~ Hayley
Aww shucks!
I'm only eleven. and I'm getting wonderful critiques by elders! *No offense*
Thank you. I fixed the misspelling as soon as I got home from school. My brother, Stori, was going to come on, and he was most likely to point that out. Thank you once again!
-ClimberSquirrel
I found this stanza to be the most moving-you're highlighting the glorious aspects of leaving-
the temptation surrounding it-very good.
Like above you outline the pressure you feel to leave-yet you understand the
reality.
This is really beautiful. You did an outstanding job.
I really love the message your giving. I know that feeling of wanting to move on, and how the things we love hold us back.
I would just suggest you fix that small error when you misspelled "leaving", as Cassus Animus said.
Pretty eye opening as a whole, kind of gives you a new view of a leaf with images such as "The leaves laugh". I like the innocence in the piece as a whole, short but as you said it was off the top of your head. However, you misspelled "leaving" in the last stanza.